And the verdict is...

You Failed Again.

How am I feeling? I don't know to laugh or to cry. Why? Let me ask you this question. What is the probability of having the same tester at the first test and for the 2nd test when there are about 15 testers and testers are selected by balloting? What's the probability? Maybe 1%? And I have to be in that 1%! Only have one word for this: SUAY. When I knew that I got back the same tester, I was panicing. Worried. Yes, I may have the advantage of knowing his likes and dislikes, but knowing it makes me feel worse because the more I try not to make any mistakes he doesn't like, the more mistakes I make instead. He failed me again, for the same mistakes! Wide turning and sharp tuning (ironic huh), failure to check blind spot, lane change abrupt, blah blah blah. I kinda felt like he didn't even want to pass me at all. Well, I did make one mistake and that caused me severly a 10 points demerit. I striked the kerb during my directional change, something which I have never done before. Maybe it was the nerves.

As I was telling laogong on my way home, maybe I am just finding someone to put the blame on and that someone is definitely not myself. But thinking through, if I didn't strike the kerb, I could have passed. So maybe the fault lies in me. Too complacent. My moral is seriously demoralized now. Am going to book lots of revision lesson before my next test. I saw my instructor after my test and had a short talk with him. He was still very encouraging nonetheless and told me not to give up and we'll work out my mistakes during my revision. Nearly cried in front of him, was fighting back my tears. Another way I had to console myself is, I met another testee today and we had a short conversation before our tests. This is her 4th attempt and she failed again.

Maybe the other thing is, I have my pride. Maybe it is my attitude in me that I hate to fail with others. I seriously do not forgive myself if as compared to others I have to take more attempts to pass. Came home and faced the music with my dad. Felt even worse. Mum asked me how what went wrong and then she said nevermind, don't talk about it already. Am I really that bad?

Lucky laogong was there with me throughout. If not I will definitely be in a daze the whole day. At least I didn't cry, but well, as I am typing now, some tears are dropping. Everyone's telling me that I can, not to give up and I understand that these are well wishes, but still the amount of confidence I used to have in driving has been diminished low.

Well, after all that hoo-ha, spent the day with laogong. Came home first to take a rest. When I thought I got over the disappointment, laogong's mum called and asked how it went. Sad again. Anyway after that we went to woodlands central, to go to the bank, as I needed to transfer money so that I can top up my driving account and then we went shopping, for shoes. Bought 3 pairs. Each pair $9.90. Loved all the shoes. Cheered up a little. Yanxin (laogong's younger sis) called laogong and asked how it went. Sad again!

Picked up Yanling jie (laogong's elder sis) from work. Waited an hour in the car for her. Me and Yanxin got bitten by mosquitoes! Big and itchy. Then we had fish head steamboat with laogong's family. Interesting. First time having real fish head steamboat. Eating with them is so funny. Conversations go side by side, across and involve everyone. Then saw my shoes. So all of us went down to woodlands central again. Haha, nearly bought a 4th pair of shoe. Control. After that then laogong drove me home.

Gotta move on and pick up the pieces again and work hard. Next test date is in September. I guess I got to build up my confidence and not be complacent. Learn from my mistakes.